In the back of the postcard........

As his final words, after her pouring her heart out on one last attempt to get some affection back, he wrote to her in the back of the only postcard he's ever given her:

"Getting to know people is about sharing with them important things of your life".

Little she knew that, three weeks after that, she would known what he was too much of a coward to share with her... little she knew she barelly knew him... the litle she knows about him is irrelevant, is no longer important, as for her, he has no importance any longer...

My way.....

(The old Mr.Blue eyes Frank!)
And now the end is near
And so I face the final curtain
My friend, I'll say it clear
I'll state my case of which I'm certain

I've lived a life that's full
I traveled each and every highway
And more, much more than this
I did it my way

Regrets, I've had a few
But then again, too few to mention
I did what I had to do
And saw it through without exemption

I've planned each charted course
Each careful step along the byway
And more, much more than this
I did it my way

Yes there were times, I'm sure you knew
When I bit off more than I could chew
But through it all when there was doubt
I ate it up and spit it out

I faced it all and I stood tall
And did it my way

I've loved, I've laughed and cried
I've had my fill, my share of losing
And now as tears subside
I find it all so amusing

To think I did all that
And may I say, not in a shy way
Oh no, oh no, not me
I did it my way

For what is a man, what has he got?
If not himself, than he has naugth
To say the things he truly feels
And not the words of one who kneels

The record shows, I took the blows
And did it my way

Uma vez recebi isso por email......

Recomeçar

Não importa onde você parou... em que momento da vida você cansou...
o que importa é que sempre é possível e necessário "Recomeçar".

Recomeçar é dar uma nova chance a si mesmo...
é renovar as esperanças na vida e o mais importante...
acreditar em você de novo.

Sofreu muito nesse período? foi aprendizado...
Chorou muito? foi limpeza da alma...
Ficou com raiva das pessoas? foi para perdoá-las um dia...
Sentiu-se só por diversas vezes? é por que fechaste a porta até para os anjos...
Acreditou que tudo estava perdido? era o início da tua melhora...

Pois é...agora é hora de reiniciar...de pensar na luz... de encontrar prazer
nas coisas simples de novo.

Que tal
Um corte de cabelo arrojado...diferente?
Um novo curso...ou aquele velho desejo de aprender a pintar... desenhar... dominar o computador... ou qualquer outra coisa...

Olha quanto desafio... quanta coisa nova nesse mundão de meu Deus te esperando.

Ta se sentindo sozinho? besteira...tem tanta gente que você afastou com o seu "período de isolamento"... tem tanta gente esperando apenas um sorriso teu para "chegar" perto de você.

Quando nos trancamos na tristeza... nem nós mesmos nos suportamos...
ficamos horríveis... o mal humor vai comendo nosso fígado... até a boca fica amarga.

Recomeçar...hoje é um bom dia para começar novos desafios.

Onde você quer chegar? ir alto...sonhe alto... queira o melhor do melhor...
queira coisas boas para a vida... pensando assim trazemos pra nós aquilo que desejamos... se pensamos pequeno... coisas pequenas teremos... já se desejarmos fortemente o melhor e principalmente lutarmos pelo melhor...
o melhor vai se instalar na nossa vida.

E é hoje o dia da faxina mental... joga fora tudo que te prende ao passado... ao mundinho de coisas tristes... fotos... peças de roupa, papel de bala...ingressos de cinema, bilhetes de viagens... e toda aquela tranqueira que guardamos quando nos julgamos apaixonados... jogue tudo fora... mas
principalmente... esvazie seu coração... fique pronto para a vida... para um novo amor...

Lembre-se somos apaixonáveis...somos sempre capazes de amar muitas e
muitas vezes... afinal de contas... Nós somos o "Amor"...
" Porque sou do tamanho daquilo que vejo, e não do tamanho da minha altura."

Carlos Drummond Andrade

Dragon's Lair

(Sunset Rubdown - www.sunsetrubdown.net)

------
I have been introduced to this song over the weekend.... it is a cool one!
------

I'm sorry that I'm late. I went blind. I got confetti in my eyes. I was held up at yesterday's parties. I was needed on the Congo line. But my dear, oh, my dear, I'd like to fight the good fight for another couple of years. Because to say the war is over is to say you are a widow. And you're not a widow yet...

So this one's for the critics and their disappointed mothers, and for the cupid and the hunter shooting arrows at each other: Ain't no such thing as a saint, ain't no such thing as a sinner. But there's a swan among the pigeons of Barcelona's floor. There's a Samson with Delilahs lining up outside the door. If you are sharpening your scissors, I am sharpening my scissors, and I am sharpening my sword. So you can take me to the dragon's lair, or you can take me to Rapunzel's windowsill. Either way it is time for a bigger kind of kill.

I see your face when I close my eyes. I see the muscles in your legs from the way you always rise to the occasion of catching things that fall, like the statuettes on pedestals I tend to build to tall. But I have navigated Iceland, I laid my claim on Portugal, and I have seen into the wasteland of the future of us all. And I kicked up a whole country of dead, dead leaves last fall...

Seen from the back of a train I rode away from your station, they drifted in the air like memoirs of old conversations, sprung from a leather case you opened in the wind, to watch the papers chase each other into oblivion.

You're such a champion. I hide behind your sun. You are the champion... So you can take me to the dragon's lair, or you can take me to Rapunzel's windowsill. Either way it is time for a bigger kind of kill...

her heart starts trembling....

No, she wasn't wrong... that night, that look, that meant something.
That meant the re-satart, the hint, what was missing ...
She still doesn't know where she is heading to, maybe nowhere...
but she keeps going with the flow for a change... to try, once again...
she does not know how this will finish, but she vaggelly know when...........
in less than a month.........
her heart starts trembling....

one night, one look

And he looked at her in a way that she did not understand.
In a way, that, for a split of a second sent her back to almost two years ago now.
A way that made her wonder: was he looking at her or through her?
Did he let his guard down for a minute and allowed himself to look at her with another eyes?
"If only anybody else had seen the way he looked at me..." she thinks.
It was almost like he was comparing her to somebody else, like he wanted to say something, like he was thinking how beautiful she looked that night...
It was just a look, a three second long look.
But, that, for her, was enough.

Casa de Campo

(Elis)

Eu quero uma casa no campo
Onde eu possa compor muitos rocks rurais
E tenha somente a certeza
Dos amigos do peito e nada mais

Eu quero uma casa no campo
Onde eu possa ficar no tamanho da paz
E tenha somente a certeza
Dos limites do corpo e nada mais

Eu quero carneiros e cabras pastando solenes
No meu jardim
Eu quero o silêncio das línguas cansadas
Eu quero a esperança de óculos
Meu filho de cuca legal
Eu quero plantar e colher com a mão
A pimenta e o sal

Eu quero uma casa no campo
Do tamanho ideal, pau-a-pique e sapé
Onde eu possa plantar meus amigos
Meus discos e livros
E nada mais

Um vazio de ausencia

Forgive me those who might eventually read this, but this one needs to be in portugese. 'Cos to express what I am feeling I need the right words....because I feel, eu sinto, um vazio de ausencia....
ufa....
É um respirar profundo na busca de algo dentro de nós e o nao achar...
é a falta de alguém, de um sorriso, de um toque, de um quentinho...
é um pequeno aperto no peito q vai e volta... volta e vai...
nao te faz chorar, mas nao te faz sorrir, te faz pensar e sentir...
um vazio...
falta alguem...
nao é solidao, é só ausencia... é sentir falta...
é querer o q nao se tem... e desejar o q já passou...
uma ausencia...
um vazio, incrível, de ausencia......... ai.

How long has it been!?

One whole month! Uff!

I have been busy, not much time to think of anything apart phd. That is it, I have become a geek! I dream with the stuff! I talk about the stuff! I live the bloody stuff...

Very recently I met a guy. Nice, handsome, seemed very keen...and guess what!?! I scare him away! Poor guy! In the balance, he might have thought: "here it is, a nice girl, that is going away very soon, but can only bloody talk about her bloody phd!" Anyways, to him I say: it was nice not knowing you!

On the other hand, the fact that I soon am going to go back to Rio has made me to re-discover some undiscovered friends. It's being nice, fun, easy, necessary and mine. Am not sharing it with anyone. Am keeping it low profile. It is my business, noone else's.

From now, those are the updates.....

...Release Me....

(Agnes Carlsson)


Release me
Release my body
I know it's wrong
So why am I with you now
I say release me
'Cause I'm not able to
Convince myself
That I'm better off without you

Yeah, it's perfectly clear
That love's not what you need
I tell you I don't care
But I don't want to

Anything that you say
I hear myself agree
And I don't recognize
What i've turned into

I don't know why I want you so
'Cause I don't need the heart break
I don't know what addictive hold
You have on me I can't shake

No, I'm not in control
So let me go

Release me
Release my body
I know it's wrong
So why do I keep coming back

I say release me
'Cause I'm not able to
Convince myself
That I'm better off without you

I could sleep by myself
I would burn me alive
Find me somebody else
But I don't want to

Try to leave out the love
That goes againt the grain
But I can rationalize it
If I have to

I don't know why I want you so
'Cause I don't need the heart break
I don't know what addictive hold
You have on me I can't shake
No, I'm not in control

So let me go

Release me
Release my body
I know it's wrong
So why do I keep coming back

I say release me
'Cause I'm not able to
Convince myself
That I'm better off wïthout you

Eu queria saber

(Composicao: Pedro Paulo Veiga - Meu Pai!!)

Eu queria saber, se voce vai continuar
desse jeito, no meu peito
a me pertubar
sem saber o que quer e o que pensar.

Eu queria saber, o porque de voce falar
desse jeito, sem direito
de me pertubar
de querer outra vez me ver entrar...

Ali na sua porta
ali no seu lugar
ali na sua porta
e depois fazer parte do seu lar.

Hysteria

(Muse)

It's bugging me
Grating me
And twisting me around

Yeah I'm endlessly
Caving in
And turning inside out

'Cause I want it now
I want it now
Give me your heart and your soul
And I'm breaking out
I'm breaking out
Last chance to lose control

Yeah It's holding me
Morphing me
And forcing me to strive
To be endlessly
Cool within
And dreaming I'm alive.

'Cause I want it now
I want it now
Give me your heart and your soul
And I'm breaking down
I'm breaking out
Last chance to lose control

And I want you now
I want you now
I feel my heart implode
And I'm breaking out
Escaping now
Feeling my faith erode

Só hoje...

(Jota Quest)


Hoje eu preciso te encontrar de qualquer jeito
Nem que seja só pra te levar pra casa
Depois de um dia normal...
Olhar teus olhos de promessas fáceis
E te beijar a boca de um jeito que te faça rir
(que te faça rir)

Hoje eu preciso te abraçar...
Sentir teu cheiro de roupa limpa...
Pra esquecer os meus anseios e dormir em paz!

Hoje eu preciso ouvir qualquer palavra tua!
Qualquer frase exagerada que me faça sentir alegria...
Em estar vivo.

Hoje eu preciso tomar um café, ouvindo você suspirar...
Me dizendo que eu sou o causador da tua insônia...
Que eu faço tudo errado sempre, sempre.

Hoje preciso de você
Com qualquer humor, com qualquer sorriso
Hoje só tua presença
Vai me deixar feliz
Só hoje .....

Miedo.........

(Lenine)

Tienen miedo del amor y no saber amar
Tienen miedo de la sombra y miedo de la luz
Tienen miedo de pedir y miedo de callar
Miedo que da miedo del miedo que da

Tienen miedo de subir y miedo de bajar
Tienen miedo de la noche y miedo del azul
Tienen miedo de escupir y miedo de aguantar
Miedo que da miedo del miedo que da

El miedo es una sombra que el temor no esquiva
El miedo es una trampa que atrapó al amor
El miedo es la palanca que apagó la vida
El miedo es una grieta que agrandó el dolor

Tenho medo de gente e de solidão
Tenho medo da vida e medo de morrer
Tenho medo de ficar e medo de escapulir
Medo que dá medo do medo que dá

Tenho medo de acender e medo de apagar
Tenho medo de esperar e medo de partir
Tenho medo de correr e medo de cair
Medo que dá medo do medo que dá

O medo é uma linha que separa o mundo
O medo é uma casa aonde ninguém vai
O medo é como um laço que se aperta em nós
O medo é uma força que não me deixa andar

Tienen miedo de reir y miedo de llorar
Tienen miedo de encontrarse y miedo de no ser
Tienen miedo de decir y miedo de escuchar
Miedo que da miedo del miedo que da

Tenho medo de parar e medo de avançar
Tenho medo de amarrar e medo de quebrar
Tenho medo de exigir e medo de deixar
Medo que dá medo do medo que dá

O medo é uma sombra que o temor não desvia
O medo é uma armadilha que pegou o amor
O medo é uma chave, que apagou a vida
O medo é uma brecha que fez crescer a dor

El miedo es una raya que separa el mundo
El miedo es una casa donde nadie va
El miedo es como un lazo que se apierta en nudo
El miedo es una fuerza que me impide andar

Medo de olhar no fundo
Medo de dobrar a esquina
Medo de ficar no escuro
De passar em branco, de cruzar a linha
Medo de se achar sozinho
De perder a rédea, a pose e o prumo
Medo de pedir arrego, medo de vagar sem rumo

Medo estampado na cara ou escondido no porão
O medo circulando nas veias
Ou em rota de colisão
O medo é do Deus ou do demo
É ordem ou é confusão
O medo é medonho, o medo domina
O medo é a medida da indecisão

Medo de fechar a cara
Medo de encarar
Medo de calar a boca
Medo de escutar
Medo de passar a perna
Medo de cair
Medo de fazer de conta
Medo de dormir
Medo de se arrepender
Medo de deixar por fazer
Medo de se amargurar pelo que não se fez
Medo de perder a vez

Medo de fugir da raia na hora H
Medo de morrer na praia depois de beber o mar
Medo... que dá medo do medo que dá
Medo... que dá medo do medo que dá

Who Knew

(Pink)
You took my hand
you showed me how
you promised me you'd be around
uh huh
that's right

I took your words
and i believed
in everything
you said to me
yeah huh
that's right

if someone said three years from now
you'd be long gone
i'd stand up and punch them up
cause they're all wrong
i know better
cause you said forever
and ever
who knew

remember when we were such fools
and so convinced and just too cool
oh no
no no
i wish i could touch you again
i wish i could still call you friend
i'd give anything

when someone said count your blessings now
for they're long gone
i guess i just didn't know how
i was all wrong
they knew better
still you said forever
and ever
who knew

yeah yeah
I'll keep you locked in my head
until we meet again
until we
until we meet again
and i won't forget you my friend
what happened

if someone said three years from now
you'd be long gone
i'd stand up and punch them out
cause they're all wrong and
that last kiss
I'll cherish
until we meet again
and time makes
it harder
i wish i could remember
but i keep
your memory
you visit me in my sleep
my darling
who knew
my darling
my darling
who knew
my darling
i miss you
my darling
who knew
who knew

I wished it would "feel like home"....

Something in your eyes makes me want to lose myself
Makes me want to lose myself in your arms
There's something in your voice
Makes my heart beat fast
Hope this feeling lasts the rest of my life

If you knew how lonely my life has been
And how long I've been so alone
If you knew how I wanted someone to come along
And change my life the way you've done

Feels like home to me
Feels like home to me
Feels like I'm all the way back where I come from

Feels like home to me
Feels like home to me
Feels like I'm all the way back where I belong

A window breaks down a long dark street
And a siren wails in the night
But I'm alright cause I have you here with me
And I can almost see through the dark there's light

If you knew how much this moment means to me
And how long I've waited for your touch
If you knew how happy you are making me
I've never thought I'd love anyone so much

Feels like home to me
Feels like home to me
Feels like I'm all the way back where I come from

Feels like home to me
Feels like home to me
Feels like I'm all the way back where I belong
Feels like I'm all the way back where I belong

the feeling of waiting....

Waiting for a sign,
waiting for a while,
waiting for that.

Waiting for some courage,
waiting for an answer,
waiting for a yes.

Waiting for a momment,
Waiting for a smile,
maybe waiting in vain.

Waiting for the end,
waiting to be happy,
waiting...........

random thoughts...

Seize the day,
enjoy your life,
dance like no one is watching!

Be on time,
be late,
do as you wish...

Play another song,
sing it out of tune,
run a bit quicker...

Fall in love,
break your heart,
do it all over again.

From "Carta a maria mantilla"

Mucha tienda, poco alma.
Quien tiene mucho adentro, necesita poco afuera.
Quien lleva mucho afuera, tiene poco adentro, y quiere disimular lo poco.
Quien siente su belleza, la belleza interior, no busca afuera belleza prestada: se sabe hermosa, y la belleza echa luz.
Procurará mostrarse alegre, y agradable a los ojos, porque es deber humano causar placer en vez de pena, y quien conoce la belleza la respeta y cuida en los demás y en sí.
Pero no pondrá en un jarrón de China un jazmín: pondrá el jazmín, solo y ligero, en un cristal de agua clara.
Esa es la elegancia verdadera: que el vaso no sea más que la flor.
Y esa naturalidad, y verdadero modo de vivir, con piedad para los vanos y pomposos, se aprende con encanto en la historia de las criaturas de la tierra. [...]
[...]
Pasa, callada, por entre la gente vanidosa.
Tu alma es tu seda.
Envuelve a tu madre, y mímala, porque es grande honor haber venido de esa mujer al mundo.
Que cuando mires dentro de ti, y de lo que haces, te encuentres como la tierra por la mañana, bañada de luz.
Siéntete limpia y ligera, como la luz.
Deja a otras el mundo frívolo: tú vales más.
Sonríe, y pasa.
(Jose Marti)

When did I lose myself?

I have posted this song “All I want”. In that there’s this verse “I love you some… I love you when I forget about me”.

Why is it that some things are like this? Why is it that to be able to fully dedicate to something you have to give up on something else? Why can’t there be a balance? Why can’t I find a balance…when was it that I lost myself from me?

I have a feeling that the few last months I have lost myself, in the most complete way. And even worse, the little bits I find – here and there – they do not make me happy… It is like I have had a crash and spread myself all around… the good bits they went somewhere I can’t seem to be able to find, but the bad bits of me they keep flashing in front of my eyes… other people find them and present them back to me… and all this makes me wonder… where are all the other bits? Where is the fun? Where is the charisma? Where is the good will? Where is the smile, the joke, the song, the dance, the caring… where is me???

And this made me realized: I put so much effort in forgetting about him, that I ended up forgetting about me and worst, loosing myself from me. Gotta find my way back.... but maybe when after finishing this lovelly PhD of mine!

All I Want

(Joni Mitchell)


I am on a lonely road and I am traveling
traveling, traveling, traveling
Looking for something, what can it be?

Oh i hate you some, I hate you some
I love you some
I love you when I forget about me
I want to be strong I want to laugh along
I want to belong to the living

Alive, alive, I want to get up and jive
I want to wreck my stockings in some juke box dive
Do you want- do you want- do you want
to dance with me baby
do you want to take a chance
and maybe find some sweet romance with me baby
well come on

All I really really want our love to do
is to bring out the best in me and in you too
All I really really want our love to do
is to bring out the best in me and in you

I want to talk to you, I want to shampoo you
I want to renew you again and again
Applause, applause- Life is our cause
When I think of you kisses
my mind see-saws

do you see- do you see- do you see
how you hurt me baby
then I hurt you too
then we both get so blue

I am on a lonely road and I am traveling
looking for the key to set me free
Oh the jealousy, the greed it is unraveling
it's the unraveling
and it undoes all the joy the could be

I want to have fun, I want to shine like the sun
I want to be the one that you want to see
I want to knit you a sweater
want to write you a love letter
I want to make you feel better
I want to make you feel free
Hmm, Hmm, Hmm, Hmm,
Want to make you feel free
I want to make you feel free

Todas As Ruas Do Amor

Se sou tinta Tu és tela
Se sou chuva És aguarela
Se sou sal És branca areia
Se sou mar És maré-cheia
Se sou céu És nuvem nele
Se sou estrela És de encantar
Se sou noite És luz para ela

Se sou dia És o luar
Sou a voz Do coração
Numa carta Aberta ao mundo
Sou o espelho D’emoção
Do teu olhar Profundo
Sou um todo Num instante
Corpo dado Em jeito amante
Sou o tempo Que não passa
Quando a saudade Me abraça

Beija o mar O vento e a lua
Sou um sol Em neve nua
Em todas as ruas Do amor
Serás meu E eu serei tua

Se sou tinta Tu és tela
Se sou chuva És aguarela
Se sou sal És branca areia
Se sou mar És maré cheia
Se sou céu És nuvem nele
Se sou estrela És de encantar
Se sou noite És luz para ela
Se sou dia És o luar

Beija o mar O vento e a lua
Sou um sol Em neve nua
Em todas as ruas Do amor
Serás meu E eu serei tua

(Eurovision - Portugal )

Fairytale

Years ago when I was younger
I kinda’ liked a girl I knew.
She was mine, and we were sweethearts,
That was then, but then it’s true

I’m in love with a fairytale
Even though it hurts.
‘Cause I don’t care if I lose my mind;
I’m already cursed

Every day we started fighting,
Every night we fell in love.
No one else could make me sadder,
But no one else could lift me high above

I don’t know what I was doing
But suddenly we fell apart.
Nowadays I cannot find her.
But when I do we’ll get a brand new start

I’m in love with a fairytale
Even though it hurts.
Cause I don’t care if I lose my mind;
I’m already cursed

She’s a fairytale
Yeah
Even though it hurts.
Cause I don’t care if I lose my mind;
I’m already cursed
(Eurovision - Norway)

Don't Give Up

(Whitest Boy Alive)

Give me a reason to stay constantly ignored
Give me an angle that I haven't tried before
A guarantee for being honestly compaired
You want to live when life is achingly unfair

Don't make a move you'll look ridiculous again
You share no interest but it's easy to pretend
Don't start the action it will turn against you soon
No one is going to follow and you'll stand there like a fool

You left the people when the people left you out
Back in the suburbs you're craving for the crowd
Only minded now with defeats of yesterday
The mantra spinning in your head will keep it raised

Give me a reason to stay constantly ignored: I don't think I can
Give me an angle that I haven't tried before: Not from where I stand
A guarantee for being honestly comipared: Could not be found
You want to live when life is sakenly unfair: Stick around

Don't give up
Don't give up
Don't give up

Saúde

(Rita Lee/Roberto de Carvalho)

Me cansei de lero-lero
Dá licença
Mas eu vou sair do sério
Quero mais saúde
Me cansei de escutar
Opiniões...
De como ter um mundo melhor
Mas ninguém sai de cima
Nesse chove-não-molha
Eu sei que agora
Eu vou é cuidar
Mais de mim!


Como vai? Tudo bem!
Apesar, contudo
Todavia, mas, porém
As águas vão rolar
Não vou chorar
Se por acaso morrer
Do coração...
É sinal que amei demais
Mas enquanto estou viva
Cheia de graça
Talvez ainda faça
Um monte de gente feliz!
Uh! Uh! Uh! Uh! Uh! Uh!
Uh! Uh! Uh! Uh! Uh! Uh!
Uh! Uh! Uh! Uh! Uh! Uh!
Uh! Uh! Uh! Uh! Uh! Uh!...

Ha ! Hiding!!!

what once I should have said....

Please don't leave me

Da da da da, da da da da
Da da da da-da da

I don't know if I can yell any louder
How many times have I kicked you outta here?
Or said something insulting?
da da da da-da

I can be so mean when I wanna be
I am capable of really anything
I can cut you into pieces
When my heart is... broken

Da da da-da da
Please don't leave me
Please don't leave me
I always say how I don't need you
But it's always gonna come right back to this
Please, don't leave me

How did I become so obnoxious?
What is it with you that makes me act like this?
I've never been this nasty
Can't you tell that this is all just a contest?
The one that wins will be the one that hits the hardest
But baby I don't mean it
I mean it, I promise

Da da da-da da
Please don't leave me
Da da da-da da
Please don't leave me
Da da da-da da
I always say how I don't need you
But it's always gonna come right back to this
Please, don't leave me

I forgot to say out loud how beautiful you really are to me
I can't be without, you're my perfect little punching bag
And I need you, I'm sorry.

Da da da da, da da da da
da da da da-da da
Please, please don't leave me

Baby please don't leave me
No, don't leave me
Please don't leave me no no no
I always say how I don't need you ,
But it's gonna come right back to this.
Please, don't leave me.
No.
No, don't leave me
Please don't leave me, oh no no no.
I always say how I don't need you
But it's always gonna come right back to this

Please don't leave me
Please don't leave me

I guess them without people having to tell me...

I am feeling funny today... and am not quite sure why... might be just "missing" or "guessing"... I sometimes have these things of guessing things without people having to tell me... this is one of the things I know: I do somethimes guess! Maybe not 100% totaly right but I get there... So I guess that is it... I am having a premunition feeling... but of what!?!? Can't quite right say of what... am just feeling it... maybe it will be confirmed later.

In other feelings: I can't seem to be able to find motivation for speeding up this final phase of my phd... aff... I do sometime have another feeling, the "I'm so screwed" feeling... but not even this one makes me move faster.... I wish I could have the strengh.......

Sorry for the "blue" post... is just too many feelings I have...

Courage

(Whitest Boy Alive)

Having said what I needed to,
Having shown what I feel for you,
What my intentions have been today.
Now it's time for you to do the same.
And no love can be guaranteed.
It don't come with no warranties.
It's a leap you have to make.
It's the risk we all must take.

Well it's clear where the cutting line
Woke up deep for the longest time.
But I can't offer any help.
You must do this all by yourself.
And no love can be guaranteed.
It don't come with no warranties.
So wake up, or wake up alone.
If you want me, show some
Courage, courage, courage, courage,
Courage, courage, courage, courage,
Courage, courage, courage, courage,
Courage, courage. Show some
Courage, courage, courage, courage,
Courage, courage. Show some
Courage, courage, courage, courage,
Courage, courage.

Recebi isso por email.....

E achei interessante.....

VERÍSSIMO

E tudo mudou...
O rouge virou blush
O pó-de-arroz virou pó-compacto
O brilho virou gloss

O rímel virou máscara incolor
A Lycra virou stretch
Anabela virou plataforma
O corpete virou porta-seios
Que virou sutiã

Que virou lib
Que virou silicone


A peruca virou aplique, interlace,
megahair, alongamento
A escova virou chapinha
'Problemas de moça' viraram TPM
Confete virou MM


A crise de nervos virou estresse
A chita virou viscose.
A purpurina virou gliter
A brilhantina virou mousse

Os halteres viraram bomba
A ergométrica virou spinning
A tanga virou fio dental
E o fio dental virou anti-séptico bucal


Ninguém mais vê....


Ping-Pong virou Babaloo
O a-la-carte virou self-service
A tristeza, depressão
O espaguete virou Miojo pronto
A paquera virou pegação
A gafieira virou dança de salão

O que era praça virou shopping
A areia virou ringue
A caneta virou teclado
O long play virou CD
A fita de vídeo é DVD
O CD já é MP3
É um filho onde éramos seis
O álbum de fotos agora é mostrado por email

O namoro agora é virtual
A cantada virou torpedo
E do 'não' não se tem medo
O break virou street


O samba, pagode
O carnaval de rua virou Sapucaí
O folclore brasileiro, halloween
O piano agora é teclado, também

O forró de sanfona ficou eletrônico
Fortificante não é mais Biotônico
Bicicleta virou Bis
Polícia e ladrão virou counter strike

Folhetins são novelas de TV
Fauna e flora a desaparecer
Lobato virou Paulo Coelho
Caetano virou um chato

Chico sumiu da FM e TV
Baby se converteu
RPM desapareceu
Elis ressuscitou em Maria Rita?
Gal virou fênix
Raul e Renato,
Cássia e Cazuza,
Lennon e Elvis,
Todos anjos
Agora só tocam lira...
A AIDS virou gripe

A bala antes encontrada agora é perdida A violência está coisa maldita!

A maconha é calmante
O professor é agora o facilitador
As lições já não importam mais
A guerra superou a paz
E a sociedade ficou incapaz...
... De tudo.

Inclusive de notar essas diferenças

Guilty as charged

Have you ever felt guilty by something you’re not even to blame… or by something you didn’t even do… BUT have thought about it…nothing major anything serious … just guilty… This is how I am feeling now… this is how I have been feeling since Saturday… am feeling guilty – but only know I didn’t do anything specifically to be feeling like this… I think is a general feeling of probably betraying myself and breaking my own rules and knowing I am probably crossing some lines I should not cross… and knowing that these are distraction, or perturbations to the system as I call it, to my focus on my phd… and therefore am feeling guilty as charged! The sentence: PhD distractions!

Christ's Age

So here I am in the newest version 3.3!!!

Almost four whole years away from home and 3 of the b-days celebrated over these lands - 'cos for the big one (3.0) I went home 'cos was too scared to spend it over here ehehehe ... You know that the place you celebrate your b-day has an influence on how the year will be... I mean, those that believe in astrology also do take into account the place where you spending your b-day when they build your astrological map.... Well that was at least what I read sometime ago...

The b-day itself was quite enjoyable and nice... No nasty surprises no tears shed... Guess I am definitly gowing up (maybe!?!?!)... I think I kept my expectations in a very good low level - that helped! And I even got surprised!!! But am not wanting to dwell on it..... But guess will still write about it someday !

All I want to add is that having this b-day was reminding me that this is the last year here... I remember thinking to myself, when I took the decision to come all the way here, I thought: "Oh, I will be back and I will be 33".... There you go, here I am! Sacry I would say.... But then again more about it later....

Resposta ao Tempo

Batidas na porta da frente, É o tempo
Eu bebo um pouquinho
Prá ter argumento

Mas fico sem jeito
Calado, ele ri ele zomba
Do quanto eu chorei
Porque sabe passar e eu não sei

Num dia azul de verão sinto o vento
Há fôlhas no meu coração
É o tempo

Recordo um amor que perdi
Ele ri
Diz que somos iguais
Se eu notei
Pois não sabe ficar e eu também não sei

E gira em volta de mim
Sussurra que apaga os caminhos
Que amores terminam no escuro
Sozinhos

Respondo que ele aprisiona
Eu liberto
Que ele adormece as paixões
Eu desperto

E o tempo se rói
Com inveja de mim
Me vigia querendo aprender
Como eu morro de amor
Prá tentar reviver

No fundo é uma eterna criança
Que não soube amadurecer
Eu posso, ele não vai poder
Me esquecer

(Nana Caymmi)

Athens.....

Aff....

Am doing some corrections... and am feeling like I need to do it little by little... feeling like that game we used to play when children in Rio that goes like:

Bento que bento é o frade
frade
Na boca do forno
forno
Tudo que seu mestre mandar
faremos todos
Se não fizeres
levaremos bolo!!!

In a fair translation it basically says we will do whatever the master says, otherwise....... aff

Salve Jorge!!!!

Jorge sentou praça
Na cavalaria
E eu estou feliz porque eu também
Sou da sua companhia
Eu estou vestida com as roupas
E as armas de jorge
Para que meus inimigos tenham pés
E não me alcancem
Para que meus inimigos tenham mãos
E não me toquem
Para que meus inimigos tenham olhos
E não me vejam
E nem mesmo um pensamento
Eles possam ter para me fazerem mal
Porque eu estou vestida com as roupas
E as armas de Jorge
Salve Jorge
(Fernanda Abreu)

Post-Phd Resolutions

I am starting to accumulate a list of things I wanna do after finishing the PhD….. For example:

- I want to try learning to play the piano again…

The guitar I have been trying to learn during the PhD but guess am failing big time now….

The offial oppening of "Things I know (or not!)"

Hello!!!!!!!

It is about time I finally start this blog... I have been thinking and trying to have one for ages now... So here it is! It is now official and let's start it!

I must advise that it will be a quite all over the place blog! Meaning, I will be talking about almost anything but mostly about my life, that at the minute it means my PhD! So will be debiting on so many things about life and Phd, PhD and life, Life as a PhD wanna be, the effects of a PhD on a life of a being... he he he... Hold on to your seats and let me know about your comments!

Mind over Matter

One day I was looking for buying a card to a friend's b-day and saw this card that said "Age is just a mind over matter, if you don't mind it doesn't matter" and now that my b-day is approaching I can't help but to think about it... and I realized that I don't really mind my age but I actually think that some people do! And this makes me wonder why is it if this is not their age but mine...

But anyways, so far so good, 20 days to go and still all "astral hell" crisis are under total control!

25 Facebook Things

I have received thins thing through facebook. The rules are:

"Rules: Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you."

I have contemplating to post it there, but have so many (quite) random people in my FB (I know them all, but not that we talk much) so I don't feel like posting there... so decided to post it here and see waht kind of comments I get .... here it is:


1- I am an Aries girl with Libra ascendant.
2- I love my little niece to bits, we are like soul mates!!!
3- I love to dance! Plus, I cannot help myself but dance in open spaces – any large open space, any will do! However I am a frustrated Prima Ballerina!
4- I am slightly superstitious.
5- I believe that things happen for a reason.
6- I appreciate the little things in life.
7- I bruise very easy! I always have unexplained, or explained but not believable, bruises.
8- I have a constant need to crack the knuckles of my right big toe. It is a compulsive thing!
9- I have loads of favourite songs – which make my life be a soundtrack! - but I have one most favourite classical music: Clair de Lune!
10- I sing all the time, if I am not singing I am whistling! But, I am a frustrated singer!
11- I don’t usually drink alcohol and have no specific (good) reason for that.
12- Turning 30 made me a real crier! I can cry for anything!
13- Oh and that brings me to the age thing: I am much much older than I look like, and this usually surprises people… I wonder…
14- I am very very very anxious and not too tolerable, especially when I am hungry or under sleep deprivation…
15- It’s most likely that I will read a magazine from the back cover to the front cover – I blame the anxiety – but I don’t do that with books.
16- I am not a morning person and need to drink a coffee first thing in the morning …
17- However, I love the afternoons and the dusk, specially the pink or purple-ish ones…
18- I need to live close to the sea.
19- And that reminds me how I miss the smell of the sea and the sound of the waves… they calm me down… I can watch the sea for hours…
20- I have already fulfilled some dreams in this life, but still have some to fulfil.
21- I am not very brave to cross roads away from traffic lights, and I have a very good reason for that!
22- My friends make me really happy! Specially knowing I have them as friends makes me happy!
23- Living abroad made me appreciate my country and culture a lot more.
24- Going back home won’t feel the same without my granny around… she was always with us and not having her there anymore will be strange.
25- This is just the tip of the iceberg!

Things I know!

Am copying this from my FB notes...
I suddenly remembered this brazilian song called "Coisas que eu sei" , the song itself is not magically beautiful but the lyrics I quite like it... and here is a fair translation - it is not a complete translation as there's a bit i don't like it:

Things I know...
I want to get closer to what I think is right, until I change my mind
It is my experiment, my pact with the science, my knowledge, my distraction

Things I know: I guess them without people having to tell me
Things I know: My alarm clock shows the wrong time – press play.

I like my room, my little mess no one can mess with it
It is my point of view, I do not accept tourists, my world is not open for visitation...

Things I know: fear lives close to the crazy ideas
Things I know: If I go I will go like this, will not change my clothing - it is my law.

Sometimes I get lazy in all my mess, the more I mess with it the messier it becomes...
I live in this scenario, in the imaginary; I leave and return to it whenever I fell like it...

Things I know: nights become brighter in the dawn
Things I know: were things I didn't know before, but now I know.